Ever have that feeling where inside doesn’t feel right? Ever have that feeling like your not where you really want to be? Ever have the feeling that you are happiest and truly content somewhere other than where you are right now?
I do, and I have all of them right now.
It is one of the head vs. heart kind of battles, that with me my head often wins, and it will again no doubt about it. But deep inside, and also not so deep inside, I’ve realized that I want to be home, and I’d like it to happen pretty soon. Like yesterday would be fine.
I know that Ottawa is where I should be and it is where I’ll be staying until I’m medically ready to move back to the Rock. But I can tell you right now, I really don’t want to be here much longer. I had a bigtime flashback just a few minutes ago, when I was talking with my Mom and said – “Mom, I want to go home”. I haven’t said that since my first day after leaving the ICU over 2 years ago. And believe me, once I said those words to my Mom, I was out of hospital within 3 days. I left ICU after being awake for 3 days and moved to the “floor” (4 North A of the Health Sciences in St. John’s) and after that I spent 8 days on the “floor” in 1999 as I recovered from my summer coma and the beating it gave me. Back then Doc’s figured I would be in hospital for a minimum of 6-8 weeks just to recover and get back on my feet. Silly Doctors. Two things they should have known, they should have known Me/my family, and they should have known my Mom.
As I sit here today, I feel that I could enter much the same situation, but I don’t feel that is best for my health, so my head will win, again, and I’m comfortable with the win, but I can tell you it isn’t what my heart wants right now.
My heart wants home, it wants my bed, with my little set-up at my Dad’s house and the one at my Mom’s house, it wants my music, it wants my friends, it wants my family, it wants Signal Hill, it wants Berg’s ice-cream, it wants the “low road” country drives and it generally wants all the surroundings of my favourite place in the world. And the biggest thing keeping me going is the fact that I know all of those things will be enhanced so incredibly once I get back to the Rock.
Man I love it there, and I can’t wait to be writing to you all from the plane as I head back, whenever that will be.
Now that I’ve allowed myself a little shift from my day-to-day thinking, I’ll kindly and gently shift back and enjoy my surroundings, the beautiful city and the company of my great loving supportive parents.
For those of you who have written thank you so much, it is quite a comforting feeling to know that I am thought of in so many circles, I really appreciate your thoughts. However due to the number of people now in our “little” community (there well over 1,500 of us) it has become impossible for me to respond. I can tell you that I read everything that passes through my inbox, and thanks again for your support it definitely is making a difference, especially during some of the tougher emotional days like today.
Back soon.
Always…
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
