Breaking news: Bizarro truth revealed about purpose behind Shave for the Brave

April 1, 2014
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Feehan’s high school yearbook photo

A whistleblower has come forward with allegations that the Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC) Shave for the Brave is just a front for a Western BC wig baron’s black market hair trade.

Joe Feehan was expelled from his high school in 1997 for cutting off 10-inch long braids of his classmates. He hasn’t been seen in his home town since the incident, and it is suspected he moved to St. John’s, NL where he changed his name to Geoff Eaton and started shaving his head to distance himself from his former reputation. His family still lives in BC.

“The Feehan family does receive a lot of heavy boxes from St. John’s,” said one postal clerk. “I just assumed they were getting frequent shipments of cod fish and Jam Jams.”

The Shave for the Brave website says all hair donated through the event is sent to a Canadian organization that provides wigs for children with hair loss issues, but a source snapped these pictures of “Eaton” stuffing braids in his pockets at the ninth annual St. John’s Shave for the Brave this past Saturday, lending weight to the rumours.

spoof

There have been long unsubstantiated rumours of hair extortion and smuggling to toy companies and wig makers in a remote village nestled in the Himalayas where hair from North America is more valuable than crude oil and shark fins, but this is the first time any direct allegations have been made toward YACC, “Eaton,” or the Feehan family.

“I had no idea this was going on,” said a YACC employee. “I knew the hair was being mailed out, but I had no idea it wasn’t actually going where we claimed. I feel like such a fool for believing his perpetually shaved head meant he actually hated hair!”

While that interview was being conducted, this reporter noticed another employee sneakily packing up their computer and burning their business cards before speeding away from the building. It is unknown whether or not she returned.

The source also provided a video of “Eaton” talking to his hair dealers and prancing around while holding hair to his head.

We tried reaching “Eaton” for an interview, but our calls were not returned.

Happy April Fools’ Day!

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