For the record I’m not a reader, it is a Challenge for me to read, it’s not that I don’t enjoy it but I guess more that growing up and in adult life I’ve always been pretty active and not made time for “down time”. My Mom has reminded me that it is quite a Challenge to be a writer, as I wish to be, and not be a reader. However I do make the effort to read, as I do really enjoy it, it’s just not something that comes naturally to me.
So last night I was reading a book by an author who I love and this specific chapter suggests that I make a list of the Perfect and Not Perfect things in my life before I continue reading. Which I did, and that in itself was an interesting process. Personally prior to last night I wasn’t particularly fond of the word “perfect”, I much prefer “exceptional” or something along those lines, as to me “perfect” had a connotation that I didn’t like. So in my mind as I was making the list I used the words “great” and “not so great” instead, and I came up with a solid list.
Then I read the chapter, and now I have a much different view of the word “perfect”. In short the chapter went on to explain that everything in life is perfection, imperfect things are perfectly imperfect, and so on. This is a perspective that I can see and appreciate.
In addition to adjusting my perspective on the word Perfect, reading that chapter last night and making the list has shed some interesting light on other things that go on inside my head. On the Perfect side I had some material things, some relationships, my perspective and attitude were there as well, and on the Not Perfect side I had things like my strength and my Hickman, which is still with me thus Not Perfect, although it doesn’t bother me too much anymore. And then at the bottom of my Not Perfect list I had something that I have been thinking about a little lately… it was “my focus on doing things primarily for me”. As in I’m “not so great” at doing things primarily for me.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t do things for me, or take care of myself, but what I do think it means is that for much of the past 3 1/2 years, especially when I have had energy but also when not, I focus on things that aren’t solely for my benefit. I feel that is a Positive, but like most anything in life too much of that focus is not healthy for me, it is not balanced and in the long run it is not conducive or consistent with my goal to be happy and healthy.
I will say that in my 26 years I have never had an experience as exceptional as the one where I am able to have a Positive influence on another’s life. The feeling of helping, teaching, comforting another person, showing them another perspective, another way they can approach their Challenges, those are things that I have learned to be the top of the pyramid for me. Making that effort is where I have decided to focus much of my energy. However I am starting to recognize that in that process I have very probably neglected some or much of my other desires and wishes, some of those are financially related, but I am comfortable with my professional choices and sacrifices, I jokingly say that my work is more profit for the Soul than the bank account. Some of those desires relate to lifestyle and my lifestyle adjustments have often been required due to my health and fitness Challenges, I haven’t played hockey in 3 1/2 years, and when I had the energy to rebuild seriously, physical rebuilding was part of my priorities but not near or at the top.
I guess what I am saying is that I do make the effort never to regret any experience I’ve had, as I do feel that if we can learn from our experiences then we shouldn’t regret them as they have had value, and every experience has value. But I think, as I continue my months of reflection and review, that perhaps the choices I have made in the past few years, especially when I was resuming work and getting more active, those choices appear to be in a different balance than I would choose now. One of my biggest Challenges is the daily, and life-long, struggle I have with my ambition, as I am very tempted by opportunity when it is in the area of my focus. However as I have been going inside and looking at my priorities I’m discovering that perhaps I need to place greater focus on keeping that ambition in check and exploring other parts of my life that to this point have received attention, but maybe not serious commitment. Who knows maybe I’ll become a reader!?
The Perfect, Not Perfect exercise was interesting for me, and it has helped shed some light some areas inside me that probably weren’t getting enough light. The book I am reading is called Heart of the Soul, it’s by Gary Zukav who has written a couple of other fantastic books. Very interesting and what I deem to be a healthy perspective on life and the things in it.
My reflection and internal analysis will certainly continue and I’m sure I’ll continue to share the discoveries along the road.
Always…
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
