Good morning everyone, not really up for a message today but there is something I want to get out of my system which has been there for a while and events of the past week have pushed me to get it out.
I’ll begin with my thought, which relates to me referring to my situation/position as something other than “normal” life. I have never been comfortable with the manner in which I refer to my situation, or maybe more specifically the manner in which I refer to “post-Cancer” life. Truth be told I will never have a post-Cancer portion of my life, nor should I say I don’t want to. This experience is many things and one, perhaps the most important it is a teacher, a teacher or warning even, of the dangers that exist and those that we voluntarily place in our path each day. Whether it is drinking, smoking, sun tanning, poor eating, etc. we all do these things with knowledge that they are not a positive influence on our being. I’m not saying that I or anyone should drop all of life’s vices, but I know that I will definitely make some changes to the way I live. So referring to the “next” stage as post-Cancer is not really accurate. The best I can come up with right now is that my life after recovery will be my next season. Please feel free to make suggestions, as I haven’t had much progress in this area.
Another reason I haven’t been comfortable with my wording is that I feel like I talk as if my life is on pause. And in some respects it is, but you never stop living, more significantly I need to “live” now more than ever so that I can fight and continue to live. I have been using the term ‘live’ as if you need to have complete and utter control of your day to live when I do realize this is not the case. I am as guilty in some ways as any of you were, or at least as guilty as you said you were. When I was diagnosed, I received many messages explaining how people have learned to appreciate the little things since reading my messages, and while I never stopped appreciating the little things, I did view this as a pause in my life. A pause that would see me have exceptional and extremely difficult, challenges and victories. As I said I have never been comfortable with this view and I do struggle with viewing it another way, I asked for your suggestions but in actual fact I don’t think they will be appropriate as this is something I need to figure out for myself. Unfortunately just as my diagnosis on November 9th brought many of you to review your situation, your outlook on your life, the past week has provided me with two reasons to do the same. A fine lady I have known all my life found out one week ago that she was to begin fighting for her life, just the same as I have been. Her situation is one I know all too well for many reasons, and realizing that you’d think I would have an idea of what to say to her… so far those three dots are it. Later today I will contact her but my message is still undetermined. Maybe it will be “Attitude is Everything”, as that is one thing I know for sure.
Later in the week I was hit with another reminder of the fact that you are always living, the level of living you choose is yours but you don’t stop. There are no pauses in life. A couple of days ago I lost a friend in an accident. A friend who I went to school with, who had just finished his exams, graduating in a few weeks, his whole life ahead of him. When we said good-bye at the airport on April 4th, as I left the Rock for Transplant, who would have known that it would be our last handshake? He wished me good luck and I thanked him for coming, and that was it. Just like that it was over. I have lost too many friends, close to me in age to ever stop reminding every person I contact that… Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, and Today is a gift that’s why it’s called the Present. (M.S.) I feel you should live accordingly.
Prior to leaving home I had a feeling inside that something was going to happen, and I would want to be home to attend to it. Now I know what that something is. I don’t know how this message will read, but it was certainly written more for me to express myself than to inform you all of my situation, so if it doesn’t make sense please realize it was more an exercise for me than a play in my game.
Thanks,
Geoff
#4
