I am relaxing in bed, where I think I’ll stay for the better part of the day. Writing to follow up on my Gentle Lesson message and give you a briefing on a new angle I will take with some of my messages. As you know I have been playing the role of teacher since November as I share with you all many of my internal thoughts and attempt to give you an idea of what it is like to be in my shoes. In conjunction with that I have mentioned that I intend to write a book describing my Series, and these messages will be a major element of that book. In addition to these messages I also plan to share other experiences that relate to many other elements of my Series, such as lessons I have learned and feel are valuable and applicable to other’s situations.
The Gentle Lesson message is an example of this type of lesson, it is something that I have become aware of since being diagnosed and felt it would be something that may help one or many of you when confronted with a serious situation, such as mine. It was not intended to prompt you to re-evaluate your behaviour towards me and my situation, as I have always said “go with your gut” and I do mean that. My purpose was to provide some food for thought, which I think I did. If you did re-evaluate your position in relation to me, then maybe that wasn’t a bad thing but it was not my intent as I am completely comfortable with everyone’s position, which again is something that I have said before and really do mean.
With respect to my approach, i.e. the title of this message, I have been playing with the notion of teaching more, and I say teaching when it really is sharing of my experiences. So this is kind of a ‘heads up’ that I may start to share more experiences and opinions, in the future, as they relate to my situation, a challenge or any other experience that I come across or have come across throughout the past 8 months. And as always you are instructed to do with them what you wish. I have a ton of thoughts, some of which may be of use others, which you may find useless but you’ll be receiving them none the less.
Keeping with the approach for a moment, after my little set-back I have been playing with the notion of remaining here in Toronto for a while longer than required to ensure everything is absolutely fine. It is just a fleeting thought at this point but something I have been considering as I have never been and am still not prepared to go home until it is in my best interests. While things may be well in 2 weeks and I may receive clearance to head home, if the potential for further complications is still significant I may decided to stay until such a time when the risk is reduced to more acceptable levels. Of course how I would go about determining those levels I have not considered, but my thoughts come from the fact that so many out of town patients get so focused on home that they loose sight of the situation. There was a part of my brain that went in that direction last week, and as I wrote in my journal a few weeks ago there was another part of my brain that was and has been preparing to stay here for a long time. It is wild how things happen, and some of the things I have written in my journal over the past few weeks would have allowed most anyone to predict my setback, but of course when you are as involved as I am and so focused on home, as I was, a setback is not something you want to consider. But I could make a strong case to convince you that a part of me knew I wasn’t going to be home, of course prior to clinic those thoughts weren’t being allowed anywhere near my conscious thoughts. I will keep you posted on my thoughts as they related to my approach and the continuing adjustment of the bar, and my strategy.
I am in good spirits and very comfortable with my situation and how things have progressed, of course I could stand to loose a few pounds, thanks to Mr. Prednisone, hahaha, but that will work itself out in time. Or at least I plan to work myself out in time, thus working off the results of several weeks of none stop, worry free eating. This is one element of my situation I’m sure more than one of you envies. I have joked many times that the one good thing I can say about Prednisone, aside from the medical benefits, is that it is rather enjoyable to be able to eat such incredible amounts of food for such a long period of time. I think everyone should have a turn experiencing this wild appetite state I have been in, of course you would only enjoy it if you didn’t mind sacking on 15-20 pounds.
Enough about that, I am in clinic tomorrow and may get some answers on what’s happening with respect to my platelets and drug levels. It is my feeling that the approach to my situation is as much art as it is science, thus patience is key. I was ‘cultured’, the blood test, in clinic and haven’t heard from the Doc’s since which is a good sign, of sorts, as it means they haven’t found any infections in my blood yet. I say “of sorts” as if they were to find an infection then my ‘unknown’ would be a ‘known’, but I would rather negative cultures than positive any day. So you will hear from me when I have news or as I feel I want to write, stay in touch as you wish.
Geoff
#4
