I believe that everything in our life happens to us for absolutely the right reason. All our Challenges and triumphs, they happen in our best interests, always. That is what I believe. Many of you may remember during my week of tests this summer, prior to learning I had relapsed, I wrote to share with you all and I said “what it is, it is”. It turned out to be a relapse of my Leukemia and I have since gone on to tackle that Challenge as best I know how.
This second Cancer Challenge has been much different than my first in many ways, and of course there have been very similar experiences as well. Without comparing my past 5-6 months with my first Cancer Challenge I can tell you at Day 90 of this Journey my thoughts are much different than they were at Day 90 of my Original Series which began in 98.
Day 90 in 1999 after my first Transplant I was living in Toronto, largely whacked out on Prednisone and a host of other drugs, and was just about ready to come home to continue my recovery. I was playing with plans for an organization called RealTime Cancer, I was thinking about my summer at home, and I was also focusing on staying out of hospital as I knew a serious infection and the ICU was always a possibility in my condition.
Day 90 in 2002 after my second Transplant I am home, not whacked out on Prednisone or any drugs, feeling incredibly well compared to my expectations for this time. I have started to think through the future of RealTime Cancer, and whether or not I will change it’s direction, and by how much, what new initiatives are in my heart, and a big part of those thoughts involve me thinking about the rest of my life. Thoughts of serious infection and ICU are never far from my mind, especially as we approach Day 104, which was the day I first moved to the ICU in 1999.
A part of me being sick again is that I have this great opportunity to once again reflect on things, where I’m going, why I’m going there, and to consider other alternatives. Not just professionally, but personally as well. Having time like I do is an opportunity, I could fill that time with many things but I choose to fill some of it with reflection and thought about my life, the one I have lead to this point, the one I have right at this moment and the one I want to pursue in the future. Those thoughts are a Challenge for me right now, the future thoughts that is.
I have spent time, and will spend more time, thinking about my future and what I want that future to involve. Right now I’m not sure. Professionally I think about RealTime Cancer, writing a book, speaking, building an organization, withdrawing from it all which is something I considered yesterday for the first time. Personally I think about my relationships with friends and family, my physical and emotional health, my Leukemia status, what’s really happening inside me right now on a cellular level, what’s going to be happening on that level in a week, month, year, what lies ahead for me in this Cancer Challenge, does another Cancer Challenge lie ahead for me?
As you can see I’ve got lots of questions, and lots of times my mind is a pretty busy place to be, lately that has been the case. While the questions are numerous and all the answers aren’t there I can tell you that my desire to make a Positive impact on the lives of others is one of the most important things and whatever answers I come up with fulfilling that desire will be a priority.
Wanted to share a little caption of what’s been happening in my mind over the past month, I’m sure these thoughts will continue and as they do I’m sure I’ll share again.
Always…
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
