For those of you who know me well, so have seen this message coming, those of you who know me “not so well” you will learn one of my more prominent characteristics from this message.
In short, I’m on a journey, and while I have many of you with me, which I’m grateful for, the reality as I see it is that this is very much a journey for me first. Second I feel it is a journey for you and everyone that is connected to me in some form or fashion, I’ll definitely address the “journey” thoughts many times as we progress down the path.
For now I want to communicate some of what’s happening today, the first thing that’s happening is that I am putting myself back in “self-induced isolation”, which means I’ll see next to no one. I have hit a point, where my energy is very low and my immune-system is lower than that, thus fewer visitors the better. My Mom continues to remind me that if I use all my energy for living, I have none left for healing, which I relate to very well. So I’m being very cautious with my energy, and will remain that way for a while.
My temp has been rising today, though it hasn’t hit the 38 mark, which is a solid sign of infection. However just to be cautious the Doc’s have “cultured” me, which are very extensive blood tests, and we have also made preparations for blood transfusions that I may need over the next couple of days.
For the most part today I am feeling “reduced”, not particularly poor, though I’ve had my little periods of discomfort, but nothing worth mentioning any further. I seem to have discovered that if I can keep some food in my tummy, then I can maintain a pretty comfortable state. So that is what I’ve tried to do.
I mentioned my major characteristic at the top, and by that I mean my desire and necessity for “control”. I am big on the word and maintaining that state, as you give-up many of your rights when you commit yourself to the hospital, but I have always viewed my little 10 X 10 room as the one place where I can maintain that level of control I look for. It is the space that I have most influence over, so I do tend to focus on it. Thus my insistence on no visitors, and a reduced amount of traffic for me while I progress through the low energy points.
For those of you who have dropped by, called, emailed and offered to do anything and everything for me… Thank You so much. While I don’t feel that I am really looking for your support at present, I am confident that there will come a time when I will take you up on your offers. If I remember a couple of things about this type of a journey, it’s that it isn’t a short one, and that patience are a key element of maintaining my sanity.
I will write to let you all know more about the process ahead for the next couple of months, once I straighten it out myself. For now, and now that I have developed my mind-set, I have assumed a very “day to day” approach, and that is most comfortable for me. Be sure that when I know more, so will you.
Back soon.
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
