Tonight with my words I’m going to attempt to help you all better understand some of the physical sensations I experience on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I would like you to keep in mind for this message and every other you will read or hear from me in the future, all I ever talk about, all I ever know is my own experience. I feel these cancer journeys are extremely customized experiences, and while many experiences are similar, it is often tough to generalize. What one person feels as pain, another does not necessarily, what one person feels as fatigue, another may not, etc.
I feel the best place to start is with my energy because most days it feels like I have none, physical energy that is, as my mental energy is something cancer can’t take from me. It is mine fully, completely within my control.
Back to the physical energy
I have been asked many times, and many of you may be wondering, what it’s like to have chemotherapy. At present including my original series, I have had 37 total days of chemotherapy over 5 plus rounds, and I can tell you each day can be the same or completely different. I’ve never really had the sensation of feeling the chemo going into my veins, but I have felt its affects within minutes of entering my body. Nothing particularly painful, stomach upset seems to go hand in hand but as far as the actual sensation, I’d have to say I’ve never had one.
What I can tell you is what chemo does to my body and that is leave me feeling as if I have run a marathon, had a “skating” practice in hockey, and done an hour of “suicide” basketball drills. It leaves me feeling like that without the heart rate beating through my chest, without gasping for air and without the lactic acid build up in my muscles. The combination of those physical activities is the best analogy I can think of right now to help you understand how little energy I’ve had over the past 2 weeks, as I’ve fought this consist fever that doesn’t seem to want to quit.
I V Benadryl – “Benny”
I’m not sure if we have talked about this fellow before, Benny, but he’s another friend of mine who is along for the journey. He’s not with me every day, just for a couple of specific reasons, one is as a pre-med for my blood products as he helps control any possible reactions to them, the other reason is when I meet with Mr. Ryger. The best way I can describe my friendship with Benny is he leaves me wondering who I am and where I am going. I have said often if street drug users were ever introduced to Benny, he would definitely be the drug of choice. And that brings me to the final sensation I want to talk to you about and it is the fella I call Mr. Ryger.
Mr. Ryger
Mr. Ryger presents himself most often at a couple of key times, in the past when I have been receiving platelets (blood transfusion), when I am reacting to a drug called “ampho-terrible” (patient slang – appropriately named), or as was the case last weekend, I rygered several different times for no apparent reason other than the fact that my temp has been so high for so long. The rygers are simply the shakes, the near uncontrollable shakes. My body, legs and arms just shake in my bed which is really tiring for me, especially when I have no energy, the best remedies we have found are a shot of Benny, and lots of blankets and rubbing to warm me up. You may remember last weekend, we did have some great success with my ability to have peace and quiet and focus which I will no doubt resort to the next time I feel Mr.
Ryger is coming my way.
We are approaching day 14 of my fever, we had another spike today which is always followed by a whole series of tests and hopefully tomorrow we’ll have some review and see if we can’t make up some ground. Medically, it seems I haven’t gotten any breaks. But physically my mouth is great for having just finished chemo and my stomach has made incredible progress to the point where I am eating a solid variety of foods – big bonus.
Many of you may have seen a mass-media promotion of my journey which I understand will continue for another several weeks. I do however, also want to let you know that any friends and family that may be interested to join my journey are more than welcome. This experience, just like my original one, is open to any and all interested . Same open and honest messages from me, slightly different approach to promotion.
Back again soon. Have a good one and …
Always…
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
