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Judgement

Good morning everyone, hope you had a great weekend. More snow for the Rock, and I am wondering just how much more we can get…?

The next lesson I am sharing relates to judgment, and while it isn’t one that I really thought about until probably six months into my series. I have thought about it often, and I do remember writing a couple of “harsh” messages relating to people’s judgment of me, my series and some of those close to me. I have grown, maybe softened (not really), but I consistently make the effort to refrain from my “Scorpio” ways (as my Mom refers to them). I am always making the effort to come from love. This collection of thoughts relating to judgment certainly comes from that place.

Judgment

I read a great line recently in a book that I have become quite fond of. It is called The Cancer Conqueror: An Incredible Journey to Wellness and the line is “If someone’s behaviour isn’t breaking a moral, natural, or legal law, don’t judge it.” The author presents that thought in relation to the notion that it is unconditional love that beats cancer. I have supporting experience.

I have previously talked about perspective, specifically my perspective relating to the term victory. I feel that judgment relates to the perspective message very well, or at least it is my plan to relate the two. I feel they are so related because I feel judgment comes from your perspective. Specifically, I feel judgment is the combination of your thoughts and feelings expressed as actions that stem from your perspective. I won’t get into the deep components of judgment and its place in our lives, as I really haven’t thought about it enough to comment. I am going to talk about the concept of judgment in the negative, critical capacity as, again, I haven’t thought through the concept of positive judgment enough to discuss it as I would like. What I will say is that I make the effort to provide unconditional love to everyone, and leave my judgment out of the equation.

I remember very distinctly, November ‘98, trying to plan my approach to deliver the news of my diagnosis to the many special people in my life. I also recognized that I struggled in this process, and seemed to have more failures than successes. (By that I mean I didn’t deliver the news as well as I would have liked.) The more I consider the situation, I’m not sure what I was looking to do outside of provide the news in a manner that was best suited for the individual. It was a tough task, and I gave my best effort. I was essentially looking to understand each individual’s perspective and provide the news in a manner that best suited it. The only evaluation of the process that I have been exposed to is that of my own, and I have attempted to learn from the experience, which I guess does involve judging my behaviour.

In addition to the perspective on my initial diagnosis, there is the outside perspective relating to the rest of my series and the details of it. By “outside” perspective I mean other people’s perspective. This is a very interesting topic as I have been party to some incredible connections with many individuals, both those who I knew prior to November ‘98 and those who I didn’t. However, the connections and exchanges that I have been party to have been predominantly positive ones. Most people that have shared their perspective with me have been very encouraging, supportive and understanding of my situation.

That said, I have been party to some negative perspectives about me, my series and my actions throughout the past 27 months. Unfortunately, those who have those thoughts and feelings relating to me don’t bring them to me directly, which would be my choice. They bring them to other people who have no, some or great connection to me. I understand why I am not presented/confronted with these negative views. It would be my wish that people made the effort, had the courage, felt the desire or whatever is missing to come and talk to me directly about their negative perspectives relating to me, their judgments of me and my behaviour. In a perfect world that is how I would like it.

My journey to this point has provided the opportunity for great learning, and I have made the effort to learn as much as possible from this experience. I’m still learning. One of the more recent concepts I have been trying to adopt into my life is the concept of being centered. It requires consistent effort, as there are many things in our daily lives that challenge our ability to obtain and maintain a centered perspective.

I have learned, in those few “negative” experiences I have been exposed to, that people’s judgment can often be painful. It hurts. I’m not sure why people feel the need to judge others, or where that desire comes from. Again, I haven’t thought much about that part of judgment. I do know that the more you put yourself out there, the more people will judge you. This is not something I thought much about when I started the My Friends Email Group. I did it with the best of intentions, from love, and figured everything would work itself out. And as you know, this email group has been one of the most positive elements of my series.

Prior to beginning to share my experience in other forums I did think about what that would involve from a personal perspective. However, I don’t think I was able to understand the full impact that those different mediums would have on other’s perspectives and in turn their interaction with me. Since beginning this new form of sharing my experience, I have been extremely fortunate to connect with many amazing people and the sharing of their perspective with me has been a blessing. I have also had some experience with the judgment of my sharing, with judgment of my series, and judgment of me as a person, and they have been tough. It is never a nice feeling to hear other people make critical comments about you, and especially about things that are so near your heart.

It does happen, and judgment is a part of life. I guess at certain times when I am exposed to those negative views, I wonder what it would be like if people could accept others unconditionally with love, no questions or hesitations, if it was automatic?

Another thought I really like, which is from Cancer Conqueror as well, relates to that thought of acceptance: “It is my challenge to accept, not necessarily approve of, other’s behaviour.” My experience has taught me that this is a valuable thought, and a lesson that is worth incorporating into my life.

I’ll continue to share my greatest lessons learned through my series in my next message. Have a great week.

 

Always…
Live Life. Love Life.

Geoff
#4

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