Writing to you all at this hour reminds me of Toronto and the many sleepless Prednisone nights I had, how I would wake at 2, 3, or 4 and write long detailed messages about anything and everything that happened to be passing through my head. Well now is no different. I am really tired but unable to sleep as my mind is busy reflecting as I have just been reading some of your messages that you all wrote to my Dad while I was asleep this past summer. As I have mentioned, I review those messages often, I assume it is part of my incredible curiosity surrounding my ‘mystery month’. I think if I could have one wish it would be to be able to recount the events of that month and experience what all those connected to me experienced.
As you are also aware, I have been putting more and more time into the process of writing my book. I have met with several people, and am doing a lot of thinking in relation to structure and how I will proceed. And through these thoughts I have often thought of you all and how we have communicated, specifically how you have experienced the events of my series. Collectively you have come to know me in this virtual world, some of you know me quite well, some of you have yet to meet me, but through this group you have all had a similar experience in that you have received the same information in roughly the same fashion. The fashion in which you have received my messages is what has struck me lately and again tonight as I reviewed past messages. I have come to realize, or perhaps re-acknowledge is a better term, that this form of communicating, while amazing, has very real limitations.
It is true that I can’t imagine experiencing my series without this email group, but at the same time I would have loved to have been able to share it with you all on an even more personal level. I have said often times that I wished my summer experience was on film so I could watch. Well in actual fact I wish the whole series was documented on film. I wish you could have seen my bags of chemo, and my Dad’s marrow, I wish you could have been with me when I traveled to the hospital for my daily blood tests, I wish you could have been with me when I refused to register, I wish you were in my room when I had the rygers, I wish you could have been in the room with me when I ‘took’ my hair, and some days I even wish you could understand my pain, not experience all those things but understand them the way those closest to me did. I have often thought of sending you all pictures of me that I have from various games but it didn’t seem appropriate for some reason.
Getting back to the point I was trying to make, I am and will be forever grateful for your support and participation in this remarkable, amazing collection of experiences. While I realize you can never fully understand my experience, I also acknowledge that I can never fully understand yours. Knowing that only I could set the times and parameters of initial communication must have been difficult at times, as many of you would receive my messages in less than desirable circumstances I’m sure. I can only imagine how it must have been to read some of these messages and have to continue with the tasks that were your priority prior to my arrival in your inbox.
For your efforts I say thank-you, I can’t imagine being here without you, or how I would have gotten here. I think my biggest challenge right now is to present my story in other mediums and tell the same story I have told you all. And in a perfect world I’ll get the same response.
Continuing to Rebuild,
Geoff
#4
