Good Monday morning (or Sunday night), I hope you had a fabulous weekend. I won’t write much news now as you did hear from me yesterday. I will remind you all once again that my transplant party is less than two weeks away. It’s on Friday the 13th, which is usually a very good day for me being born on the 13th, and the celebration will be held at Clovelly Golf Course. I’m thinking it will be a 6-7 p.m. start and will continue until… Well, we’ll see how much stamina I have for that night. I’ll give you more details as the date approaches, but please book it off in your calendar. I am hoping that you will all be there for a quick hello and a drink, maybe even two. Have a great week and enjoy today’s lesson regarding purpose, with a little faith mixed in there.
Purpose
This lesson has been a great source of learning for me and it relates to the “why me?” question. I have discussed it in various forums, the “why me?” question and how it relates to me, and I think it relates very directly to the purpose lesson.
I firmly believe everything in life has a purpose, all our experiences have a purpose. Some we are very aware of and others perhaps not so much. When I was presented with this cancer challenge I did begin to search for its purpose, although I will say it wasn’t initially top of mind I think it’s something that I grew into a little during Game 1 and have continued to grow into ever since.
I used to ask myself the “why me?” question on two fronts: out of frustration but also out of curiousity. The frustration was not a major element of this question, but it was present. In hindsight I feel as though it was there at times of helplessness, which often came when dealing with the bureaucracy of the healthcare system. I do want to point out that I never asked “why me?” wishing this experience hadn’t happened to me, as my acceptance of this life-challenge was next to immediate without delay. I said during my first week in hospital and at all times since then, “Honestly, I wouldn’t trade places with anyone right now.” And that isexactly how I have felt since November 6, 1998.
The curiousity component came largely from the fact that there is no known cause of leukemia. I did, and still do, wonder what factors influenced and contributed to the presence of it in my life. While I certainly wonder about the external or tangible factors that may have caused my development of leukemia, I really wondered about the internal or intangible factors and their role in the presentation of this challenge. By internal and intangible I mean the factors or reasons that can’t be quantified. Only I can fully understand these reasons.
I have spent a lot of time, a lot of time, thinking about my situation, my stage of life, where I have come from, where I am and where I’m going. And a big part of that was thinking about my purpose, and the purpose of leukemia in my life. Using many of the lessons I have already shared with you all, I have learned some of the reasons why I was given this leukemia challenge, and I am still discovering reasons.
I think some of the reasons I have come to understand are evident when looking at my present path.
In recent weeks I have begun to think more about my view of “everything happens for a reason” and I have begun to explore the role of “faith” in that view. I have traditionally associated faith with church, which I don’t associate with myself. But lately that view is evolving. I’ve begun to realize that my personal faith, faith in myself, faith in my environment and faith in something bigger and smaller than all of us, is changing. I think faith is a major reason I have approached my challenge in the manner I have. I think it is a major reason I have maintained a strong level of comfort throughout my journey. Faith has played a significant role in my discovery of my purpose, and I am sure my faith and my understanding of my purpose will continue to grow and evolve.
I think the discovery of my purpose, or some of it, is a very important step. I remember the time I really began to grow into that, which was a little over two years ago when I was playing with the transplant decision. It’s tough to describe, and I’m not even sure I can but I will say that the process of making that decision and preparing myself for the road ahead resulted in a great internal comfort.
Forget the numbers and the side-affects of the Transplant for a minute. While they played a role for sure, it was this internal feeling that I was searching for and when it came I knew which side of the “fork” I would take. I think any time we are presented with a decision, no matter the number of options, we look for complete and absolute comfort with one option and then we make our decision. That’s how I approach significant decisions, and the transplant decision was no different in this respect. The difference came when I found comfort from the inside, not from the outside. I didn’t take comfort in the 70 per cent chance for a long-term (5 years) cure that I was told came with the transplant, I took comfort in the fact that this option felt right, my core said yes and that feeling of comfort and faith was very important.
I have been able to take that feeling of comfort and faith to other areas of my challenge and other areas of my life. And bringing that element of faith to my search for purpose and meaning has been a key part of me finding it and continuing to explore it.
My cancer challenge is an opportunity for me to challenge many of my ideas and thoughts about the principles and meaning of many areas of life. I am grateful for that opportunity. They are some of the greatest gifts I have received.
Always…
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
