Before you read this message I would like you to know I am writing it more for me than you, as I know most of you understand my thoughts, on your own level, which I think is great. The following is somewhat of a flashback of random thoughts that doesn’t correlate with any special anniversary just the fact that I happened to be thinking in this “direction” over the past few days. Maybe it’s related to my recent return to Toronto, but who really knows.
My reality is that I have been playing my series for 13 months now, I have spent 153 days of the past 13 months in hospital, about 35 of which I have no memory of, I have had a very real change in my perception of my challenge – I always knew that loosing was a possibility, fortunately I came to that realization very early and decided that if I was to loose my series then there would be greater things accomplished by my loss than ever could have been accomplished had I won, that is how I came to the acceptance of not being afraid to loose, that said I have never quit, as you now know, if you didn’t know before, I don’t know how to quit, but the method in which I played my game has changed dramatically – this I feel is one of the major reasons I am here today, I am presently taking four different drugs with an average of just 3 pills a day, as opposed to 31 after transplant, I have a mind that wants to do so much and a body that wants to do so little, although I still have my ups and downs I am feeling better than I have since waking, and while still dependent on others for many things I can start to taste my independence and waiting for it is quite a challenge, I have an incredible curiosity relating to my “sleep” and there are many times in many days when I catch myself thinking about the fact that I very easily might not have made it, and what would it be like if I hadn’t, those thoughts are usually followed by the thought that “hey, I am here”. My reality is that I’m pretty lucky to be here, and no matter what the challenge I’m pretty happy just to be here.
Have a great weekend,
Geoff
#4
