It’s one of my main Challenges, it is something that I have always struggled with, and most definitely always will need to be conscious of, I’m talking about my core desire to always push the limits. In business and professional life it is called ambition, and I do acknowledge that I have that lots of it. In a less formal setting it may be called drive, which also works for me. And as a Patient my ambition or drive gets me in trouble much the same way it does when I’m in the professional settings – I often take on more than I can comfortably handle. That is what has happened once again.
It hasn’t happened in a major way, but it is significant enough for me to take full notice and more importantly to feel that it’s time for me to make some “lifestyle changes”. The changes I’m referring to involve the use of my most precious resource, my energy. Many of you may know that for traditional rechargeable batteries it is best to run them down completely and then charge them completely. There performance is best when you can do that consistently. We all have a battery, and it is rechargeable, and I have mastered the “running down” process, I can handle that without any trouble. It is the full charge side that is my big Challenge.
Fortunately I have gotten much better at recognizing when my battery is running at a low level, and that allows me to make changes. So I will make changes, and they really focus on where I decide to put my limited amount of daily energy. At present the struggle for me is that my primary recharge time – sleep – isn’t working very well as I haven’t had a solid night for too long. Thus I wake for the day below 100%, and then to complement that I am attempting to regain strength and stamina, which I am doing, but that takes energy. And if you throw in a few visitors and a little trip to the outside somewhere my battery runs dry pretty quickly.
For a long time, since waking from ICU 2 years ago, I have had trouble with my abdominal muscles (abs). One of my main Challenges after waking from my coma was that my body had been beaten down, seriously beaten down, and I was 100% dependent on those around me. I had to learn to walk and write again, and it wasn’t that my mind didn’t know what to do, it was that my body didn’t have the strength to carry out the commands. I learned quickly that you use your abs for most every single movement you can make, thus my abs didn’t get very much rest as I slowly rebuilt my body. Thus they were a big source of pain throughout that process. While the pain was tough at times, they also served a great purpose as they would tighten and cramp when I got tired. So at times when my “ambition and drive” were taking over my abs would step in and say “time to rest”, and they always put forth a very convincing argument. One time they made me stay in bed for 10 days because they thought that that’s where I should be.
My abs have begun to guide me again in these past few days, and that is a sure sign that I’m too tired. So I’m choosing to listen to them, as I can only ignore them for so long, and I’m going to make what I feel are the appropriate lifestyle changes. Simply I’m going to do less, and rest more. I would like each of you to check with your “abs” and see how your batteries are doing, as they are most important to care for. “If you ignore your health long enough, it will go away.”
On the medical front, blood counts are good today – hemoglobin = 111, platelets = 235, white cells = 4.9, neutrophils = 3.3 – and a talk with my Doc yesterday shed more light on my Remission state. She said that there are less than 1% of my blood cells that are abnormal, and of those there is a chance that some could be Leukemia, but there is no way to confirm that with the testing done here. She also mentioned that it is very likely that those abnormal cells are immature or developing cells, which is normal. It is more Positive news, and she is comfortable with where we are. As you all know, our focus now is on staying here in this Remission state. One day at a time we will continue to focus on staying here.
That’s where I’ll leave it for today, I hope you have a great weekend and you will hear from me again soon.
Always…
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
