Good Saturday morning everyone, back with an update and flowing of thoughts as I have lots of them running through my mind. But before I begin I must let you know that I am the happiest kid in the world to be here on the Rock this weekend and not in big bad TO!!
I want to start with one of my final comments from yesterday, relating to my Doc’s passing comment about 30-40 years. Many of you have written with some frustration over those comments, and I feel that I misrepresented the situation a little. My Doc was not being harsh or insensitive, he is a very straight out guy and does delivery the news very directly, and most all of the time that is the way I like it. Save one time when we had a little confrontation, but that was quite a while ago when he had to deliver some tough news to me that I really wasn’t wanting to accept instantly. The reason I mentioned the 30-40 year comment is because it struck me funny, and quite unlike my first Cancer Challenge, this time I haven’t done a whole lot of visualizing of the future – the long-term future. But that is something I have started to play with a little over the past 24 hours.
The other thing I would like everyone to keep in mind is that it would be impossible for him to say that I would get 30-40 years out of a Transplant because they haven’t been doing Bone Marrow Transplants (BMT) for that long. Of course, I’m sure you know that I have no trouble being the first, or one of a group, of BMT Patients who hit the 100 year mark!!
To tell you how my mind works, when I hear a number like 40% chance of success I instantly focus on the other 60% and focus my energy on that. Not that I wouldn’t want that 40% to be 100%, but I know that when it is 40% I do get a boost in determination and desire. The numbers are numbers, a point of reference, nothing more. In conversation with a Doc Friend of mine yesterday I learned that a condition called ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome) which I had while in ICU 2 years ago has a fatality rate of about 70%, and that rate increases to 80-90% when the Patient has an underlying disease as I did/do. ARDS was one of the many complications I had during my ICU stay, but until yesterday I had never heard any numbers relating to any of the Challenges I faced while in there.
Odds are there to be beaten, and I’ve got a desire to do it again, as many times as is necessary.
There are greater factors, both known and unknown, working here and my focus will always be on the ones that I control. My Approach – My Attitude – My Decisions, they are where my focus will stay.
The delivery of news that I can’t have a Transplant according to “Plan A” was tough, but considering some of the many obstacles I’ve had thrown in my path, it is really is peanuts. We have begun the process of looking for another Transplant Center in Canada, and I’m not sure how that will go. I don’t have a confident feeling about it, because other Centers have their own Patient’s and I would be a new one, while in Toronto I am an existing Patient to whom they have an obligation. Thus I would get a bed ahead of someone else going to Toronto, but not necessarily in other Centers. Make sense?
The other option that we are pursuing is to go south to the States. Their system is different and my going there would come with a whole slate of other Challenges, without full knowledge I feel comfortable saying that down there it’s far more about the cash than anything else. I would suggest that if you have the money, you have a bed, but I don’t know that for sure. I have yet to hear back from the University of Pennsylvania, but I’m sure things will happen over the early part of next week on all fronts.
I had a chat with my Doc here yesterday and she is in favour of pursuing Plan A, as it would be her preference that I don’t have additional chemo. However, if that does become necessary, because we can’t find a Transplant Center, the chemo that I am scheduled to have would be far less invasive than what I just had. Not as tough a hit, but still poison, low counts and risk of infection.
The plan at present is to continue the process of looking for a Transplant Center that has the ability to take me on as a Patient, and that I will be comfortable with. Our direction is clear, and the road ahead will take shape over the next many days. My blood counts were consistent in Toronto on Thursday, almost identical to my previous blood test, which is Positive. My muscles are very unhappy with me as we did a lot of going in Toronto, but that will take care of itself over the next many days.
That brings you fully inside my mind for today. You’ll hear from me again soon, enjoy your weekend.
Always…
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
