Let me tell you, the simple things are the key to life’s happiness and upon waking it was the simple things that gave me the most pleasure. At this point I was still unable to enjoy most of the ‘little things’ that I have referred to before, as my stomach couldn’t handle food or drink so that ruled out many of my favourite things, and obviously my body was unable to do anything and I was in a state of complete dependence.
What little things you ask, well the single most pleasurable experience I had during those first few weeks were having my legs bent. I can’t begin to describe the feeling I would get from having my legs bent while I lay in bed. It got to the point where most every visitor to my room had to take a turn bending my legs for me, and many times I would ask my Dad or brother to sit on my feet keeping my legs bent, as I was unable to keep them in that upright position. Within about 2 weeks I was able to use my bed as leverage and slide my heels up the bed to bring my legs to the desired position. I could write about this experience and sensation for quite a while but instead I’ll leave it here, but please know that it was one of the most pleasurable experiences I have ever had. I guess my standards were pretty low at that point.
Continuing with my story we are now at Wednesday, August 25th and the next day would see me make the move from the ICU up to the floor on 4 North A. I was quite glad to make this move but didn’t really appreciate the significance as to me it still meant that I was in hospital. After being moved to the floor I would continue a phase that would see me get very little sleep. This began in the ICU as once I woke up and slowly began to understand what had happened became afraid to go to sleep, as I thought I wouldn’t necessarily wake just as had happened in July. Or at least that is how I thought. One night I remember in particular, Jenny was staying with me and my Mom was in to see me during the night. I remember both of them trying to calm me down and convince me that everything was going to be alright, they told me that I had come so far and that I would be fine. But I wasn’t buying, keeping my Mom there until close to 1 in the morning. She eventually left in a cloud of smoke, kind of reminding me of my first day of Kindergarten, I felt deceived but soon switched my focus to Jenny. I don’t think I slept for much more than an hour, if that, and I was consistently talking and very disoriented. For quite a while I thought I was in someone’s house and I didn’t belong there. I could write a whole book on “the things I thought” after waking and will some day share them all with you.
Moving back to the floor, my fear of sleep continued and I didn’t spend a night alone. For the first four nights I had private Nurses stay with me, with varying levels of success. Fortunately I had parents and a girlfriend who were willing to stay with me as I much preferred that option, and would ultimately have one of them sleep with me for the first month I was awake. You may remember my story about returning to my old room at my Dad’s, well it was shortly after that when I finally spent a night alone. And again not long after that when I moved down the hall to be closer to my parent’s room and to have a nicer bed, two things that became very important as my mobility would fluctuate depending on my condition. So now that I was on the floor I quickly became re-acquainted with many of the Nurses that had taken care of me all year. Familiar surroundings were welcomed as the piecing of my last month continued. Upon arriving to the floor for some reason I became very selective when choosing who to speak with, this time isn’t very clear to me but I have several very distinct memories. For example there was a very nice lady, Dr. Penny I believe, she is a psychologist and she visited me several times while I was on the floor. She would drop by at random times for 10-15 minutes and ask me all kinds of questions and I would just sit/lie there and stare at her making no gestures or communicating in any way. She eventually realised that I had no interest in talking to her, or for some reason I wouldn’t talk to her. I don’t know why myself because I certainly had many periods of chattiness throughout that week. Anyway I am most interested to talk to her now and I will hopefully track her down in the next few days.
I will leave it here for now and pick it up with my last few days in hospital and the transition to home.
Take care,
Geoff
#4
