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Summer, 2002: Letting Life Happen

It goes against much of my nature, as I love to create and make life happen. However I am learning the value of relaxing and letting life happen, not forcing it, instead allowing it to run it’s course.

There is a balance between making and letting life happen, and I know it’s different for everyone, but the older I get the more I begin to wonder if a lot of my “making” really got me anywhere, i.e. did it get me to my goal any quicker? Probably, probably not.

I really believe that we can find a study or an opinion to support almost any theory we want to state, but I do feel that this example I’m about to state has some significance.

During my first Cancer Challenge I was very much in a hurry, my strategy was “aggressive, confident and controlling” out of the gate. And to be honest having that mind-set took a lot of energy. I remember during my 2nd round of chemo, which was a very tough round with a really tough infection, I thought to myself “I can’t keep up this mental pace”. So I tried to slow it down, and I did for a while, but my nature did kick in and I bumped up my mind a few notches. The mental pace I’m talking about relates to how I approached my Challenge, and all the little Challenges that came with it. If I was needing an x-ray I focused on getting that x-ray, until it happened… very little patience on my end. I have realized that putting that much energy into being impatient is tiring and a waste, especially when you had as little energy as I did.

I’m not sure when the actual transition took place, but I would suggest we could see the transition by re-reading some of my old emails. I have talked about my first Cancer Challenge being a “fight”, and I feel the general approach to my two Challenges represents my point here very well. First time it was a fight, second time it is a journey.

My Journey has still had some “aggressive, confident, controlling” parts, but I can say with great calm inside that my patience and level of content with frustrating, Challenging situations has grown incredibly. I have grown into the idea of letting things happen, not forcing them as much, and I guess being more reactive than I am used to. And I think it has worked for me. I’ve never been a fan of worrying, always felt it was wasted energy. I think worrying and being impatient are much the same experience, except one is passive the other active, but neither accomplish much of anything.

I remember when I developed the “journey” strategy last summer, and there was an article in our local paper where I explained my approach, many people who read that article had thought I had given up as I wasn’t “fighting” anymore. Nothing could have been further from the truth, my will to live has never faded, and I don’t see it going anywhere any time soon. Just that instead of getting aggressive with my Challenge, this time I decided to embrace it, bring it inside for a drink, and make friends with it. I won’t say the result has been a quicker recovery after Transplant, less infections, shorter time in hospital, less pain, more activity, but all those things have happened.

I love setting goals, creating things, and making life happen, but I have learned through my Cancer Challenges that there is a balance there, it’s different for everyone, but I am learning that I’m very comfortable much closer to the reactive/passive side of the balance than I ever thought.

It all really does work out, we’ll get where we are going, and I have learned that spending a little more time enjoying the view, instead of trying to pass the car in front of me, is how I want to take the Journey.

 

Always…
Live Life. Love Life.

Geoff

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