My other title for today’s message was “Patience is key… especially with my vision”, but considering I’m writing this message with my eyes closed I figured I would be more literal with my title. Yes I am writing blind, so to speak, so I’ll ask you forgive the mistakes again. It’s been another while since I’ve written and I have a few things I want to say so I figured I would make the attempt with my eyes closed.
First on the medical side, everything is progressing well, my eyes are very slowly improving. Still looks like I’m a boxer, but they are gaining stamina and I can use them more and more each day. Most of the week I have been lying on my couch, eyes closed, listening to music. Fortunately that does happen to be one of my favourite things in the world, but after 4 days even that gets a little boring. Boring is a good word and I want to spend most of tonight’s message talking about it.
I have written, in group forum in the past, about how important it is that I remain patient and calm during this process. And right now we are entering that phase where my patience will be tested again, and this test is bound to last quite a while. I have told you that we really are at the beginning of a new stage on this journey and my Transplant really was the beginning for me, not the end. I have a long road ahead of me, and some of it will be familiar while other parts will be very foreign. Looking back for some indicator it was about 15 months after my first Transplant when I went back to work at some level, which from many perspectives was still far too early. And it was about 22 months after Transplant when I really felt as well as I ever had in my life. So using those landmarks as a loose guideline I’m looking at winter of 2003 or late summer of 03 before I get back to a high performance level. That’s quite a ways out when you look at it from here, but that is also pretty realistic given my first Transplant.
Now some factors to consider are that my ICU stay, which beat me down physically, dramatically added to my rehab time. Were it not for those rebuilding Challenges I may have been back in high performance mode 6-8 months after Transplant, but that is only a guess. On the other side, this is my second Transplant so my complications may be more involved, not necessarily with ICU, but potentially more complicated. Time will tell.
The other important thing you all have to know is that I have a tendency to push my limits, if you haven’t picked that up yet, it’s a big part of my personality! I work on it consistently, but only to a point as I have always felt “if I don’t push my limits every now and then, how will I ever know where they are”. And if I don’t know where my limits are how will I get most out of what I’ve got!?!
Take that tendency of mine, and this situation which requires great patience and mix them together – you get one big-time Challenge for me. Perhaps this is my greatest Challenge of all. During this time of Challenge I usually rely on my faith that everything is happening for absolutely the right reason and will write to you all often about my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, accomplishments and lessons learned.
To date I’ve learned an incredible amount from my Cancer Challenges. That learning began 3 years ago, in fact it was 3 years ago today that I first heard the word Leukemia in relation to me. 3 years ago tomorrow that I was officially diagnosed, and 3 years ago that I committed to focusing my energy on living and making a Positive impact on other’s with the time I had left, however much it was. As I lie here 3 years later amidst another Cancer Challenge those commitments are the same, still focused on living and making a Positive impact. And that won’t change anytime soon.
Always…
Live Life. Love Life.
Geoff
