I won’t back down

I won’t back down

By Jay Abramovitch

The last few days have been really gut-wrenching. I was at a simple dentist appointment where I mentioned a couple spots on my tongue and throat that have been bugging me to the doctor. I was terrified to ask, but I did it.

The dental hygienist didn’t seem too concerned but the dentist referred me to an oral surgeon for a closer look and possible biopsy, if they felt it was needed. Of course when I heard that word, the PTSD kicked into overdrive, body went tense, and the fear and panic kicked in.

This was almost exactly like my original diagnosis!

I see my oncologist on January 11 for him to take a look, which is good because the referred surgeon couldn’t see me until March.

I have been NED for a couple months and I’m trying to not panic, but after the last year, it’s hard not to. 

On top of that, I am just starting a new job with the city which involves an intense eight-week “must pass” training program.

I have never given up and never will. I do things my way and will continue to do so. It’s scary and stressful and infuriating

BUT!

I will not live in fear and crawl under a rock. The last couple days have been bad, but I have to feel it and keep living.

I kicked cancer in the ass once and will do it again if need be!

I’m trying to be positive, but realistic, too!

I will never back down. Ever. Not me. I have a long life ahead of me to live and things to do.

Update from Jay since this blog was written:

Last week I had a BIG week of appointments and scans. As you can imagine, this brought lots of worry and unease.

(Drum roll please)

All scans are clear! Still NED! (No evidence of disease)

My oncologist and two surgeons looked at a suspicious lesion on the side of my tongue and all were consistent with their observations — no signs of anything worrisome. It appears to be an enlarged taste bud and no need for further evaluation.

Holy crap! I can’t believe it. The last month of anticipation for the last week of appointments has been intense.

Huge thank you to my family and friends, Man Up to Cancer – The Howling Place, Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC), Equi-Soul, Purely Elemental, and TriWolf Shanti Healing Yoga for the continued support and encouragement!

Extra special thanks to Leslie Ann and Kira for reminding me daily what all the hard work and commitment to staying NED truly means.


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