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More enticing (and likely effective) than a tablespoon of wasabi

By Danielle Taylor

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Okay, confession. I normally don’t give Internet testimonials a lot of clout, especially after being diagnosed with colon cancer when I was twenty-three. Every cancer patient knows about the questionable cure website forwarded to them from their sister’s boss. I know I found my limit when my grandmother suggested a tablespoon of wasabi to be used as a suppository as a method of cancer destruction.

I began to insulate myself from outside help — if my oncologist wasn’t serving it to me, I wasn’t buying it. The thing is, as a young cancer patient, I already found myself very insulated and isolated. The isolation was one of the only side effects I couldn’t take a pill for. It was also the side effect that lingered the longest after I was released from treatment this past November.

I was trying my best to make my old life fit again after such a long and crazy ride. It wasn’t going well. I felt anxious, depressed, and like I didn’t know who I was outside of cancer. I had found YACC months previous during some Google such or another, but I think I was just too deep into treatment to use it as a resource.

It was late March when I remembered YACC and reached out. I was sitting in a crowded Starbucks, avoiding some impending academic outline, plugging in answers to the Retreat Yourself application on my phone with my neuropathically unsteady fingers. I figured I was late applying and probably wouldn’t be eligible, or that I hadn’t found the hidden fee that wouldn’t fit into my strict ODSP budget.

When YACC responded to me the next day, I was so nervous. What had I gotten myself into? An entire weekend back in cancer immersion. Would I be ready for it? Was it something I should even do? I did my best to curb my anxiety and decided I would just go for it — what was the worst that could happen?

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What I hadn’t anticipated is what did happen. The Retreat Yourself Ontario in April 2015 was, hands down, the most important experience in my life. Before the bus had even arrived at the beautiful Northumberland Heights in Cobourg, I had already experienced this intense connection with the other young cancer patients and survivors that were along for the ride. This was what I was missing. I needed a prescription for understanding, and YACC had filled it.

Retreat Yourself was an emotionally exhaustive experience in the absolute best way possible. Every day was full of tears, catharsis, laughter, and generous empathy. It gave me the tools to manage my feelings about cancer, the strongest being the knowledge that I was not alone. In that weekend, I never felt like I needed to colour my experience in a way that would make people feel more comfortable. I was able to be completely honest.

When we returned to Toronto, I dragged my suitcase down the subway stairs with tears running down my face, terrified that the retreat was over, and so was my healing. What I didn’t yet know is that the retreat doesn’t really end — the relationships you make there will follow you for the rest of your life. That’s the real miracle cure in YACC, and it’s a lot more appealing than a tablespoon of wasabi!

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All photos submitted

 

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